Life of a LC

Winter

// November 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s been a month or so since I had my last good post and I sort of have an explanation for that. As with almost anything I’ve done online, I tend to move on after a short time. It could be my half heated attempts at starting a forum to joining a community. After a while I just loose interest on move on. That’s what was happening here and on Twitter. It’s why I tend to not join any online communities. But enough of that…

Life is slowly getting better. I have been seeing a psychologist and have been working things out. I’m at a low stage of depression along with sleeping issues (can’t sleep at night but I can during the day, but most of the world is the other way around). I hadn’t truly let go of Ashleigh even though I knew things were over. I’d never admit it to myself to keep it from becoming real. But now that I have I can feel things slowly getting better. Like as I’m writing this I’m smiling my fool head off. But I still have other issues to work through, such as a fear of loss and/or death.

In other news… I’ve been taking an Emergency Medical Technician – Basic class two nights a week this semester. It’s a ton of stuff to cram in four hours every class night. Then I have two ride alongs with AMR to do. The first is 6am to 6pm and the second is 2pm to 2am. Not sure if I’m looking forward to that or not yet.

Then I’m still unemployed due in part to me being scared and due in part to not getting lucky with the few apps I’ve done.

Well that’s a start at getting back into it, TheLC

Here and back, then gone again…

// November 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life

“Into the dark night I begin to wonder. Nothing else than just my mind with me… Wondering if that pinpoint of light in the distance, is real or not… Hoping that somewhere along this path I follow, I’ll find something interesting and someone to share it with… Good night dear friends and may time be good to you, for our paths shall cross again at somepoint. Of that I am sure.”

Paths upon paths…

// October 1st, 2009 // No Comments » // A step back, About Me, Life

There comes a point in life where you need to decide which path to take, where to head with your life. For me the issue is twice as hard. As I sit here writing, I have serveral paths to choose from but first I need to figure out who I am and what I am. As it stands right now I feel like I don’t know who and/or what I am in this life.

My list of ideas include 1) going to school for a Fire Science degree, 2) going to school for something ag related, 3) going back to school for autocad (not to sure about this one), and 4) possibly going to school for heavy equipment training.

I’m not sure which way to go. It would help if I had a better idea of who I truly am instead of trying to be someone I’m not.

When I started writing I felt like I’d be able to write more than that but I’ll take what I can get.

TheLC

Short And To The Point

// September 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

In this life, filled with unknowns, We can only be certain of one thing. That no matter what we do, time is short. All the while we like to think that we are doing some good. It never seems like it but everything you do changes everything else in life. It’s that unknown and ever changing x-factor that gets us. So no matter what happens just remember that what you do, even the smallest thing, can change someone’s life…

The First Step Part 2.

// August 28th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Experience, Life, Realizations, Stress

As I sit here tonight, My mind drifts from topic to topic, thought to thought, idea to idea… Almost feels like I can’t focus.

Even though I’ve only had three secessions so far I am beginning to feel a world better. I’m no where near ready to do anything outside my normal routine but its a start. It seems like we have a good idea of whats “wrong” with me. I got to thinking the other night about things and was able to focus on it. I figured something out…I treat life like a profession. Everything has to be professional in some way or it just seems wrong. I got it growing up. I had no true friends till high school. I was always with my parents or grandparents and I always got a “professional” vibe from them. That’s why I thrived in woodshop, ag class, and working on the stage in high school. It was in some form a profession. In wood shop working with the CNC, I had a deadline and something that needed done, it was the same in ag with our teacher, and working with the stage area. I realized my only friends I have I got after forming some bond with them professionally. Two from wood shop and two from ag.

Now what set me on this tangent… A while back there was a street dance and rodeo in the local town. Well I went to see how things were going and check on the fire station. While I was down there I saw plenty of people my age doing fun loving, random things like teens do. The first thing that came to mind? They need to grow up…The more I thought about it, the more I realized that its not them that really need to grow up, it was me that need to become a kid again. The more we got to talking at the last secession, the more I realized that I didn’t really have a childhood, I never really did anything fun or care free. No matter how hard I try, I can’t think of anything before high school where I had fun or did anything random. If I went anywhere with mom and dad it was cool but didn’t really seem like “normal” fun. If it was with the grandparents it was some form of museum.

So that’s it for now I guess,

TheLC

P.S. To toughs of you that have been there for me, and have helped me. I wish there was something I could do to show how much it means to me. Thank you.

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Now I feel a need to say this on some off chance that you may be reading this but I’m not sure if this affected our relationship or not but I do know it affected how I treated you after we broke up. I tried to make it seem like you caused all of this when in reality you were only a small factor and I’m sorry for that.