To Ashleigh and Her Friend

// January 24th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Thanks for visiting, Now please kindly leave. Thanks Jake.

For every up there is a down.

// January 23rd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Now my ex just happened to dig into me after I got a job offer. Now that job offer has been the high point of my life since we broke up, and it was no supprise that she was close behind to mess things up a bit. Needless to say I felt like crap Monday morning things went well. Now this is on the list of things I never thought I’d say but I’m now a janitor. I don’t mind it a bit, it is hard and dirty work but worth it. Days start at 5am and end after 1pm. And the pay is good. A few of the others in my crew I went to a different highschool from them but I still know them a bit. It feels weird to be out of the house again but it’s a step In the right direction.

Now the thought that pops into my mind is related to how I miss her and yet how I wish I would have acted different… God I hate depressions…

TheLC

You may have seen this:

// January 23rd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Site is down for a new URL. No clue when it will be done or what it will be.

Life Of a LC is down due to a crazy ex girlfriend stalking me.

Will email you with the new link.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

—

If you saw that, That’s what this post is relating to…

Out of the blue, last weekend my ex (ashleigh) starts texting me and is going off about what I have posted here. How I make it sound like she is the worst person on earth, and how I use her full name, which I never did. So I thought about taking down the site but have decided against it, because if I do then she wins again, and I’m not having that. It got to the point last weekend that I blocked her from everything and changed my cell number. But one of the comments she made kept eating at me, so what did I do? I unblocked her from facebook and sent her a message… Now I’m back in a depression and feel like crud. I’ll go into more detail tomorrow though. Oh and ashleigh, if you are reading this. I could care less.

TheLC

Slidding.

// December 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s about 2 am and as normal I’m dead dog tired to where I can’t think straight but I can’t seem to fall asleep. So I write.

This last week or so, it feels like I’m slipping into a pit of despair/depression again. Back to the point I find little enjoyment in things I used to enjoy, to the point my mind starts racing when it has nothing to think about.

I have a feeling this came about due to adding Ashleigh as a friend again to try and face my fears. To be able to move past her I need to lose my fear of her. I was to the point I hardly thought of her but there were places that I would avoid for fear of seeing her there (such as the horse ranch I used to train at). Well I think facing my fears only made things worse for me because now I can’t get her out if my head again.

Then on the other side of things it doesn’t help that I don’t have a true social life. Sure I go to some events but most are volunteer events or fire department related or family related. I only have 2 real friends that I talk to on a normal basis but latley that’s even down to just the one since Whitney got married.

I guess my mind is just rambling for no apparent reason other than to try and clear it’s self. But I did notice something good yesterday. I noticed that I enjoy being on the road. It keeps my mind at ease for some strange reason. Maybe I should get a cdl and do some big rig driving, I don’t know though…

TheLC

Winter

// November 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s been a month or so since I had my last good post and I sort of have an explanation for that. As with almost anything I’ve done online, I tend to move on after a short time. It could be my half heated attempts at starting a forum to joining a community. After a while I just loose interest on move on. That’s what was happening here and on Twitter. It’s why I tend to not join any online communities. But enough of that…

Life is slowly getting better. I have been seeing a psychologist and have been working things out. I’m at a low stage of depression along with sleeping issues (can’t sleep at night but I can during the day, but most of the world is the other way around). I hadn’t truly let go of Ashleigh even though I knew things were over. I’d never admit it to myself to keep it from becoming real. But now that I have I can feel things slowly getting better. Like as I’m writing this I’m smiling my fool head off. But I still have other issues to work through, such as a fear of loss and/or death.

In other news… I’ve been taking an Emergency Medical Technician – Basic class two nights a week this semester. It’s a ton of stuff to cram in four hours every class night. Then I have two ride alongs with AMR to do. The first is 6am to 6pm and the second is 2pm to 2am. Not sure if I’m looking forward to that or not yet.

Then I’m still unemployed due in part to me being scared and due in part to not getting lucky with the few apps I’ve done.

Well that’s a start at getting back into it, TheLC