Life of a LC

Slidding.

// December 6th, 2009 // Uncategorized

It’s about 2 am and as normal I’m dead dog tired to where I can’t think straight but I can’t seem to fall asleep. So I write.

This last week or so, it feels like I’m slipping into a pit of despair/depression again. Back to the point I find little enjoyment in things I used to enjoy, to the point my mind starts racing when it has nothing to think about.

I have a feeling this came about due to adding Ashleigh as a friend again to try and face my fears. To be able to move past her I need to lose my fear of her. I was to the point I hardly thought of her but there were places that I would avoid for fear of seeing her there (such as the horse ranch I used to train at). Well I think facing my fears only made things worse for me because now I can’t get her out if my head again.

Then on the other side of things it doesn’t help that I don’t have a true social life. Sure I go to some events but most are volunteer events or fire department related or family related. I only have 2 real friends that I talk to on a normal basis but latley that’s even down to just the one since Whitney got married.

I guess my mind is just rambling for no apparent reason other than to try and clear it’s self. But I did notice something good yesterday. I noticed that I enjoy being on the road. It keeps my mind at ease for some strange reason. Maybe I should get a cdl and do some big rig driving, I don’t know though…

TheLC